First I went with Frida to her parents place on the countryside. We were there for over two weeks and also visited a friend at Gotland, a small island in front of the Swedish coast. Relaxing, reflecting, finally seeing this beautiful Swedish lake with a sunset.. And looking forward; where do we want to be together, and how, and what do we want to do? On Gotland I finally saw some real sea again! The Swedish coasts are nothing compared to the Netherlands, just rocky. Interesting to look at but not that much enjoyable as the Dutch ones. But at Gotland I got to experience it more. Gotland was strange, Sweden in small it is called. Flat in the south, cold in the north. And a lot of rocks :)

Then my brother Tijl came by and we went backpacking into the forests. As we both never did such a thing before we started carefully, but already within 24 hours we came back and repacked our backpacks :) Then it went better, but I now know I’m more a cyclist.. Canoing on the Swedish lakes with Tijl was fantastic. We went for a full day and slept on one of the islands. We also went to Stockholm, which was a bit strange.. and a lot of fun.

When Tijl went back to the Netherlands, the last week for me and Frida physically together started.. That was a lot harder one. With al the plans in our heads, it still wasn’t easy to cope with. I tried with a party on the last day, which helped a lot in making it a happy after-halfyear-party. Nonetheless, saying goodbye was almost horrible.

Then I traveled to Berlin. A nice trip on a train and ferry where I met a Japanese guy with which I later spent a day in Berlin with. Berlin was really nice. A good atmosphere, lots of bio shops and not such a busy center as for example Amsterdam.

After two days of Berlin I went on to France. There was a nice park in Lyon where I ate my lunch. And then the wonderful week in Rancy, France. I was there with a group from Mens en Spirit (Human and spirit) at La Ripe Blance. Also a lot of ‘down to earth’ stuff, which is really necessary for a spiritual heavy week :) I could reflect a lot on the last half year and life in general. I started a new company which I wanted to do already for some time, Frida helped me knowing that, and the France week helped me starting it. When I left there I knew I would just start. More on that later via the website and maybe the blog as well.

And then at last, the travel back to the Netherlands. Seeing the Eiffel tower in the distance as the train came past Paris and via a beautiful station of Antwerp. Having traveled a lot, I could finally write destination Alkmaar in my interrail log..

Clearly recognizable, not from someone close (not close physically, although close to the heart). Thanks for the card and the candy :)

I’ve been doing a lot of things this week, but mainly I’ve reorganized my room. The mess I left before I went to Sweden was still there and with all the dust having their winter sleep in my room it was quite some work. But now I have a new life and work environment.

It helps a lot in feeling fine and being able to do some other work. Like evaluating the last half year for HKU and starting new project and work for an income here.

My new view from my desk (include a nice sky like this):

Luckily, not everything stayed the same. People changed. And that is good – the first lecture in Sweden they already ‘warned’ for coming back and you’ve changed but nobody else did, which leaves you with a complete changed view on the world and nobody understands you. None of that, but the environment didn’t change that much. I can still find everything on the same place (also meaning I have to do some room cleaning, still as I left it). I don’t have to do any thinking or searching, I can just join in the household here and things work the same. A very strange feeling, also because in some way I don’t feel a deep continuous longing for going to Sweden again.

In Sweden we had some 8 different garbage places under the kitchen sink, for the different garbage you have to separate. Just a month before I left there, two more were added. Or, actually, one of them was separated further into 3 different categories. Which was a good thing, but meant more space needed. ‘Here’, in the Netherlands, we maybe had something like 4 (paper, glass, compost and the rest), but only 2 of them (compost and the rest) were under the kitchen sink. Paper was in the hallway and glass in the garden.

Now, apparently some time ago, things changed here as well. Now plastic needs to be separated. So, more place needed under the kitchen sink. But there was none. There is the garden stuff and other cleaning stuff. And of course the olive oil… Ok, logical to replace that right? Enough places come to mind. But no, not possible; “it is good for olive oil to be in a dark place”.

But actually I do. Or, I started, I started having that longing for going ‘back’ again, back to my own place, our place. Stings in this household still go slow now and then. Things don’t happen, they don’t change. No experiments. All new thoughts are going down directly because this or that. There is always some ‘rule’ or ‘knowledge’ that prevents things from changing.

So nothing changes. The olive oil stays in place. The plastic is placed next to the cats, not really nice, but ok.

Oh, and it is not that I’m not playing a part here. It is just the combined atmosphere or behavior in this house. But I don’t want that anymore. I want to initiate new things.

Oh yeah, about the vacation adventures..

On vacation in your own house. “Where are you?.. over..” “At the vacation photos of 1991.. over..”

He wanted to see the museum für film und fernseher (movie and television). The exhibition was not that interesting to me, but the building was pretty interesting, and there were some other nice things.

Then we went to the museum of communication. It had some nice things, good interaction as well, but it was too bad that most descriptions and explanations were only in German. And a nice thought on diaries and blogs. Are the diaries of today (the weblogs) still as private as they were? And, is there a difference between how the writers and readers see that privacy?

In the evening we went to a vegetarian Japanese restaurant. I found one before, and, it seemed to be a very good choice. Masa said it was so good that they could easily open a shop in Japan as well :) And he was really happy reading some Japanese again (on the menu) after three weeks of Europe trip. The restaurant was called Susuru, which means slurping. It was advised to do that as, according to the menu, it made for a better taste. And, it was good anyway to be able to eat the udon, a special kind of noodles. And, really tasty it was! You should go there when you’re in Berlin!

I’ve been thinking about Frida all day.. Only three days ago now.

Next stop, Tournus. The train leaves in an hour. For a week with Mens en Spirit (human and spirit).

There can be no understanding between the hands and the brain unless the heart acts as mediator (Thea von Harbou)

This post will be in Dutch, look at the bottom for an English translation of the introduction. Swedes can read parts of the Dutch text also.

Gisteren is het Nederlandse woordenboek binnengekomen, voor Zweden wel te verstaan; Nederländska fickordbok. Zodat Frida de Nederlandse grammatica achterin in het Zweeds kan leren, wel zo makkelijk.

En achterin hebben ze ook heel handig een lijst voor in een restaurant of voor de ingrediëntenlijst geplaatst. Van Nederlands naar Zweeds, zodat je op een pak de ingrediënten in het Nederlands kunt lezen en dan weet wat dat eigenlijk betekent. Het leuke.. al die typische Nederlandse recepten die geen directe vertaling hebben, worden hier netjes uitgelegt :)

• Haagse hopjes: hårda karameller med kaffesmak
• hagelslag: (choklad)strössel som äts på smörgås som pålägg
• Hollandse nieuwe: holländsk matjessill (jämför maatjesharing nedan)
• hutspot: maträtt bestående av kokt potatis, morötter, lök och kött
• krentenbol: litet runt matbröd med korinter i
• kroepoek: indonesiska chipsliknande tilltugg av fisk, kött eller frukt
• maatjesharing (vervolg van Hollandse nieuwe): matjessill (med skarpare fisksmak och mindre kryddsmak än den svenska motsvarigheten); köps ofta i stånd utomhus
• moorkop: chokladtäckt petit-chou med gräddfyllning
• oliebol: friterar bakverk i form av en boll, pudrat med florsocker, som främst äts vid nyår
• pepernoot: kryddad sötsak som främst äts i början av december i samband med S:t Nikolausfesten
• stroopwafel: dubbel, hård våffla med sirapsfyllning
• taaitaai: mjuk, seg pepparkaka
• vla: kräm som äts till efterrätt

Gelukkig is het andersom nog veel ‘erger’. De lijst van Zweedse recepten met de Nederlandse uitleg is veel langer, omdat bijna elk product een flinke uitleg nodig heeft om in het Nederlands begrijpelijk te zijn. Heeft Zweden een rijkere culinaire cultuur?

En dan de standaardzinnetjes natuurlijk. Hoe zeg ik x in het Nederlands (iks). Wat de mensen van dit woordenboek die arme Zweden allemaal aandoen..

• Uit eten; Wat wilt u drinken? “Een pils, alstublieft.”
• Op reis; “Wilt u me bij de volgende halte laten uitstappen?”
• Apoteek/Ziekenhuis; “Kunt u mij iets tegen hoesten/keelpijn/zonnebrand aanbevelen?”

Dat wordt nog wat..

—–

Yesterday, the Dutch dictionary came in. The one for Swedes. So Frida can learn the Dutch grammar in Swedish. The dictionary included a list of typical Dutch food and recipies, with their explanation in Swedish. Quite funny to see how some of those typical Dutch things are translated :) And also the default sentences that these kind of books give you, like “Can you tell me where the trainstation is?”. Only some of them are a bit strange/old, or just wrong. Lets hope that all goes well..

Well, not completely true of course :) I just finished my last course here, handed in the research paper. I did a research about ‘doing nothing’. About the time people have in between tasks. About what they do with that and how that influences their work and their personal well-being. If you’re interested, leave a note or check my portfolio some time later.

But at the same time, I make sure that I get some fresh air :) I took a short ride on the bike to Hällberga and Skogstorp. A trip on a sand road along an old train track. I met the poisonous snake of Sweden, in a dead state though. And then, when you’re in the middle of the forest, suddenly this village of Hällberga turns up. Without even a name sign, too small for that.

And with MDH we went on a last trip with the international group, to the silver mines in Sala. We spent some time 155m underground (without that much fresh air, although there was enough via ventilation holes) we also had a good time playing dodgeball (spökboll, trefbal), eating fresh salad in the park next to the mine, and later enjoying the view of little ducks in a park in Västerås together with Frida.

One more week now. Then Frida is free from work also and we go away for a few weeks. Visiting her parents place again, to Gotland (the supposed beautiful island next to Sweden), canoeing maybe and we’ll see. Oh yeah, learn more about self sustaible living!

Official now, or at least, Frida can receive mail here :)

It is becoming a real ‘house’ now. Now practically every box is unpacked, things have their place. And the reward for that is definitely there, a nice place to be :) Even the guinea pigs start to feal at home.

But also the dishes (after eating tomato pies) start to pile up also. How to deal with that? The shadow side of decisions?

Be careful of what you wish for, you might get it all.

Luckily, I’m still very happy. It helps me a lot with the things I find hard in life. Growing everyday. That’s why we did this.

Click play or go to the gallery to view the photos in large.

The last weekend and the evenings around that, we – me and Frida, were moving together.

We’ve been installing new lights, packing, moving the packed boxes and placing everything in the new apartment.

But it takes more time than just that one weekend moving. Also cleaning the previous apartment, dealing with – and nervously waiting for – the rental company, and somehow, unpacking takes more time than packing.

And then come the more practical things.. A clock comes back in the apartment. How to deal with this and that? Were to place these things? How should this look? As said, moving takes more than 1 or 2 days. We’re welcoming the new adventures and conflicts :)

And things start to feel differently. The bed with the two nightstands suddenly looks like we’re a couple. Ah but wait, we are :)

And, we can now enjoy the new balcony.

I’m cleaning and welcoming a new plant into the house.

The guinea pigs in the kitchen are getting more awake as the evening falls.

Soon it’s time to go to bed.

It all feels so naturally. Like it has always been this way.

It was a good introductory lecture about things you already know but are good to now have the words for; stress is not having a lot of things to do; stress is about (not) being in control; stress is about (re)interpreting situations to gain this control. Another one was the thought that positive stress doesn’t exist, as stress is not having control anymore, about going over your taxes, it is always negative. Positive stress is just pressure. Another interesting one for ‘leaders’, if you want to help somebody with stress, don’t do their tasks, rather give them control over these tasks.

An interesting puzzle we’ve been taking as an example for the past lectures is the following:

You’re lying on a railway track. You’re stuck. In the far distance, you hear a whistle blow. What do you think, feel and do?

More after the meeeep..Most reactions varied from “I’m going to die”, “see your life flash before you”, “fear”, and “say goodbye to your loved ones”. Nice examples of giving up life..

But you can also take a more stress reducing – and also way more positive – approuch. Look around, what do you see? Maybe there is a second railway track next to you? Maybe there is a canal with boats (with wistles)? Are you tied stuck or is it just your leg which you can get out of? Are you maybe lying in line with the tracks? Are you actually in the middle of the city and are there a lot of people around to help? After these thoughts, you can start doing something about them :)

All about interpreting the situation. Look at the possibilities this situation gives you. I was thinking that maybe all stress comes from a too rigid interpretation of the situation. You think you won’t be able to handle this, you think you will fail. Based on experiences from previous situations where something went in a certain way, you’ll judge the current situation and think it will be the same. By really looking at the situation you’re in, looking from other perspectives as you learn at any creative study, you should be able to solve the situation.

Depending, of course, on how much you can do about it. Although I think the last step you can always make is change your mind, change the way you feel about something. Your attitude towards a certain situation.

On Tuesday I went to Mestute, an outdoor shop in Eskilstuna. I’ve been there before and met very nice people. So I went again to have a chat about the new stress course.

Hans, one of the owners, told about the two helpers he has on his shoulders. On his left shoulder sits anxiety, on his right curiosity. He has to listen to both, balance his shoulders. People who try to reduce their anxiety also lower their curiosity. Resulting in walking with hanging shoulders :)

We also had this in the first course, anxiety (and uncertainty) are reduced as you get to now people (or situations) better. But in the same way that anxiety shouldn’t grow to high, it also shouldn’t be reduced completely. If there is no anxiety or uncertainty you not doing anything new.

Hmm, interesting trying to explain this. Learning through teaching..

Eldflugor och Odågor (picture from eldflugor.se)

There was a concert last Sunday were I went with Frida. It was from 6 girls, Google Translate said they called themselves Firefox and Waster (Eldflugor och Odågor), singing songs, mostly a cappella, some with addition of drums.

Most of the songs were in Swedish so I didn’t understand the words, but I could understand the feeling sometimes. A bit like Evelyn Glennie showed on TED.

It also was a great place there, good atmosphere. I think it was a living and working community (is that a correct term in English?). And there was a ecological shop in this building, finally with really good goods. Too bad it is in Uppsala which costs about €30,- to travel to..

It was great to travel this whole day. Although not as far as Nikki is traveling, I finally see some other places then only Eskilstuna and Västerås. And also that the good day is more than the goal your going to (the concert), it is also the travel, the things you see, the talks you have, what you think about..

On the way back there was this flyer on the streets of Uppsala. Some flyer from the International Womans Day. On the front it had a quote:

“Det är tur att vi finns, men det är en skam att vi behövs!”

I, apparently with my cultural background, read something like ‘man are scum and we behave’. Ohoh, don’t read that! Too late :) Not, it was more something like ‘it is good that we exist, but a shame that we are needed!’, about the womans organization behind this flyer.

For my last course – which I finished with a ‘pass with distinction’ grade, the highest possible – I had to write a book review and I reviewed ‘A Geography of Time‘ by Robert Levine. Levine describes very interesting differences between our experience of time amongst different people / cultures. How our experience of time influences our whole structure of life and how not every culture lives with the calendar as we know it. Not only starting the counting of the year at another point in time, but also having different week, month and year lengths.

The most interesting point he makes about time I think is the difference between clock time and event time. People living on clock time let events start when the clock ‘tells’ them to do, whereas people living on event time let the events themselves tell this, also more feeling when the time is right to start something else. An excerpt from my paper:

Take the example of being in a conversation with someone. In a clock-time culture you would keep an eye on the time and try to work towards an end in the conversation when the clock tells you you have something else to do. If this doesn’t work as good as you want, you need to abruptly end the conversation to be in time for the next.

In an event-time culture you wouldn’t mind what the clock says. The conversation continues until both parties have the idea that it is over. This is more likely when a goal has been reached, when you feel that there is nothing more to say. After ending the conversation in this way you still don’t look at your watch. Instead, you’ll see what comes on your path next. This then, is the next event.

This example gives a bit extreme view on clock- and event-time though. Not all conversations will be ended abruptly because time is up and after a conversation in event-time you can take a look on the calendar to see what to do next. Nevertheless, the tendency is towards these examples.

Further Levine gives some lessons you should learn when you’re ‘time traveling’, traveling to a culture with another experience of time. I added a part in which I tell how to change your behavior if you’re staying in the same culture but want to adjust to another time anyway :)

One part of that is ‘learning to appreciate doing nothing’. In clock time cultures ‘doing nothing’ is mostly seen as a waste of time, time in which you could have been doing something else. In event time cultures ‘doing nothing’ is more an event on its own, as good as other events. You spend time looking around you, thinking, not thinking, talking, eating, waiting, feeling. As you see, you still do things, the difference lies in doing things without a direct goal. ‘Doing nothing’ is more about not having a direct goal and just feel what you’ll do and not feeling awkward about it!

So that is what I’ve been doing a lot lately. I spend a weekend with Frida just doing nothing. Talking, looking, listening to music, eating, thinking, laughing, healing. Later this week I saw an older couple in the IKEA restaurant, they already finished their meal and were doing nothing. Looking around, at each other, digesting, thinking, talking a bit. Very cool to see.

When I got home I thought about how we give compliments to each other – sorry, the introduction has hardly any relation with the following I think. When you’ve worked together with someone and you like the way the other did something you say, “you’re good at .. communicating” for example. I’m brought up by my environment to reply with “thanks”, but I never really adapted to that, always found it a bit strange. I mostly mumbled something like “yeah” or “ok”. Then after some time people around me started saying that I should learn to receive compliments. Now I suddenly knew why I never got around that, why it feels strange to do so.

It is not something I can be thankful for. It is just something I do, something I’m capable of. If someone says that I did something well then that is more a thing someone else notices which for me is already clear, is a normal way of life.
And I also thought this might very well be related to the individualistic culture we grow up with in the west. A culture where personal achievements lead to a higher status, to getting a job, to performing well in society. This makes that when somebody tells you that you’ve done something good, you thank them because they, so to say, ‘gave’ you an achievement. Because the people around you attribute things to you, you climb up the social ladder, you do or don’t get the job.

Something I never could understand. I do understand why now, but I still don’t like it.

– I went to get something to drink –

Ah, now I also now what the relation with the introduction is. Nice how this getting out is helping you to remember things.

Before we went out for a walk I put my backpack in my apartment because I just came from the university. I showed my apartment and she said something like that it was nice. I think I answered with “yes”. At that moment I thought about this getting ‘compliments’. The nice apartment to me was also just something normal. Of course it is something that I created and thus something that someone can compliment me on, but still it is just who I am, what I create around me.

The example of the Indian word kal was soon resolved after talking to the Indian students, the word always has a clear meaning because the verb in the sentence, like ‘I went to the shop kal‘ or ‘I’m going to the shop kal‘.

Further it interests me as I like to live more without the current thinking of time. I don’t use a watch or phone since long to keep track of time, I removed the hands from a clock I had in my room and I like to think about being somewhere in time but rather take enough time. It was really nice talking to Frida, a girl I met at the diner of the Indians, which had similar ideas about getting rid of this time altogether :)

But it is far from easy. Other people continue to expect you to be somewhere in time. For example the trains here run only once per hour even with a few gaps in that schedule, in the weekends in only goes like 3 to 5 times and not until late. You have to catch it. Especially since the Swedes like to be on time, 6 o’clock ís 6 o’clock, also for informal meetings.

So I found a book about time experience and leadership. What I’ve read until now is about different orientations towards time. Which in turn influences the way you experience time lines, time duration and how you manage groups. People have a time orientation towards the past, the present or the future. You’ll recognize the patterns;

• People creating plans for the future, getting people with them on their idea of what the future should become, but also surprised when problems suddenly arise that they didn’t expected.
• Other people like day-to-day activities, always know what is going on, continuously check what people are doing and fix problems instead of investing in new things.
• And there are people who remember good all the things, acknowledge peoples attributions, but also like to skip planning meetings and fail to see changes in other people.

And then people mix these aspects, but in general (the books says) you more like one than the other. Immediately I noticed that I fit in all tree groups, although that might because you always like to be different from John Doe :)

More to come as I learn more..